the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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