I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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