summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is my gift to your gina
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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