oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
