dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
