The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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