woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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