I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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