I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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