i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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