I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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