tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
