Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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