I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
