I'm passing your future prison.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
