Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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