Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
