i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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