He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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