Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
