It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
