Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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