just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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