Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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