just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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