I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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