i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
