So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
