i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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