Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
