WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
