I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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