i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
