I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize