Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
