Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
