i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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