Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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