new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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