Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
