Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
