I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
