Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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