he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
