I cannot find my penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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