I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
