I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
