I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
