i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's the barista slut.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
