Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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