omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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