True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
