Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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