im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
