I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
