I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
