You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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