i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
