Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
