It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
