that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
