I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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