Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's like heaven, but drunker
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
