my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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