Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
