He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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