She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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