On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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