I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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