Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
