It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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