i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
