yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
