Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
