Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
